If You Don’t Go To Hell, Who Will? - Chapter 1

Basketball in hand, I looked up at the hoop indignantly. There it stood, proud and aloof. It was clearly stationary, and yet, it was harder to hit than a moving target. I already made ten shots, nine of which were air balls. The other hit the backboard, but after bouncing off, it just hit me on the head…

I guess a basketball is a pretty good weapon to torture yourself with. I’m not one to torture myself, but thinking about the couple hundred yuan reward, I decided to bear it.

The school’s basketball club was holding a hoop-shooting competition in a week. They were forming a female team, and first place wins 500 yuan. I’m someone who loves money but has no money. Like a banana tree in the desert needs water, I need money. So for that large sum of money, I gladly signed up.

But now, as I looked toward that grand basketball hoop, I couldn’t help feeling discouraged.

Suddenly, a basketball flew past the three-point line, headed straight for the hoop, as if it had a navigator installed in it.

Swish!

Astonished, I turned around to see which passing god came to shame me. But when I saw who it was, my face turned red, my heart thumped, and my adrenaline rushed…

My body reacted the way any infatuated girl’s would.

Because right in front of me, there was Lu Zijian.

Who’s Lu Zijian, you ask? He’s the basketball team captain from the School of Chemistry. Tall and handsome, refined and courteous. He’s also on the Student Council. Last year, he won the Top Excellence school scholarship… In any case, Lu Zijian was a person to be infatuated over.

So my reaction was totally normal.

Then I saw the person behind Lu Zijian—Zhong Yuan. And I glared at him.

I hated Zhong Yuan. So very much.

There was an increasing number of people coming onto the court, and it was clear there wasn’t enough space. Everyone tried to cooperate and share the space, whether they knew each other or not. After all, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for several groups to use the court at the same time. Right now, I was lucky enough to be on the court with Lu Zijian. Unfortunately, Zhong Yuan was also there.

I glared at Zhong Yuan’s back, silently telling myself, “Ignite, my little world!”

Then I threw my basketball at him.

Zhong Yuan grabbed the back of his head and turned around. He looked at me, his brows furrowed. I held my hands out in a helpless gesture. With a smile, I excused myself, “Sorry, slipped out of my hand.”

And then I picked up the ball and acted like I was about to practice shooting some more. My world started to burn again.

I realized that my skills weren’t really that bad. Although I wasn’t great at getting the ball in the hoop, I was quite accurate at hitting Zhong Yuan.

And so, Zhong Yuan’s white jersey soon became a patterned jersey.

Lu Zijian, who’d been focused on practicing, suddenly noticed, and he asked Zhong Yuan curiously, “Zhong Yuan, aren’t you usually a neat freak? Why are your clothes so dirty?”

Zhong Yuan didn’t reply, but instead glanced over at me with a not-quite-smiling expression.

I avoided his gaze guiltily and turned to Lu Zijian. With a big smile, I said, “Senior Lu, hello! I’m Mu Er from the School of Chemistry.”

Lu Zijian chuckled and replied, “Hello. You’re a first year, aren’t you?”

I nodded as I looked at him with bright eyes.

Lu Zijian looked a bit embarrassed by how I was staring at him. He laughed again, and then suddenly, he said, “Your… hairstyle isn’t bad. It’s got character, haha…”

I touched the newly shaved head I got just a few days ago, and sorrow surged inside me.

Being bald isn’t my fault.

A long, long time ago… Like, two weeks ago, I still had a lovely, elegant head of hair. But who would have thought that a single bet would suddenly and quietly change its fate?

The university’s basketball tournament was in full swing. Though I don’t have much interest in basketball, I am interested in handsome guys, especially when they’re as handsome as Lu Zijian. Tall, shining, cool, gentle, but then also a bit honest and bashful… Anyway, I like everything about him, including his wheat-colored skin. I like a guy to be a little tan because it’s more manly. If all the boys were as pale as Zhong Yuan, we’d have to give a moment of silence.

Back to the basketball competition—the School of Chemistry headed into the finals under Lu Zijian’s leadership. And they were poised to go up against Zhong Yuan’s School of Business Management.

All of the fangirls at school basically split into two camps. There were those who supported the chemistry school, who were mostly fans of Lu Zijian. And then there were those who supported the business school and Zhong Yuan.

Zhong Yuan was someone who really liked being mysterious. He didn’t even go onto the court during the group matches. And even during the elimination matches, he only showed up for the last two minutes of the quarterfinals to guarantee their position.

A lot of people praised Zhong Yuan as being brilliant, going so far as calling him the reincarnation of Kobe Bryant. (sigh, Kobe’s not dead yet…) But I don’t agree with them. Lu Zijian’s the best player. Lu Zijian has no weaknesses. Lu Zijian… will win!

In the chemistry school, there existed a small group who were Zhong fanatics. And the three members that made up their backbone were my three roommates: Boss, Old Second, and Old Fourth. Those few days, we argued a lot over Lu Zijian. In the end, I pointed to my long hair, and in a show of devotion, swore, “If the business school wins, I’ll shave off all my hair!”

And then I really ended up shaving my hair off…

It was very lively the day of the finals. Squished into the crowd, I shouted along, “Lu Zijian, fighting!” until my voice went hoarse. There was a minute left in the game, with the chemistry school in the lead by five points. Fists in the air, I could see that the business school was out of momentum.

And then they asked for a player change, and Zhong Yuan came onto the court.

He made three three-point shots.

That’s right, three of them. Three-pointers. In the last minute of the game.

I have ample reason to believe that Zhong Yuan was possessed…

In any case, the winner was decided. The management school won. The mighty Lu Zijian was defeated by a possessed Zhong Yuan.

The next day, with three girls glaring me down, I went to the salon to get my hair shaved. After the hairdresser heard my request, she looked me straight in the eyes.

That’s what happened. Because of Zhong Yuan, my idol lost the championship. And because of Zhong Yuan, I ended up bald.

Do you think it’s possible for me not to hate him?

I touched my head a bit embarrassed. Then I grabbed my cap from the stands and put it on.

I have pretty thick skin. I usually strut around with my bald head out in the open, without feeling at all uncomfortable. On the other hand, those three rascals who were pretending to be nice after causing all of this, felt that they’d gone overboard. They even discussed buying me a wig. I just waved away the idea and told them, “Forget it. Just treat me to a meal. I haven’t had hot pot in a while…”

But however thick my skin was, Lu Zijian was still my idol. I should try to look good in front of my idol, to be a bit reserved. That’s why I put on the cap to cover up my bald head. Then I smiled at Lu Zijian. “Senior Lu, I’m participating in the hoop-shooting competition next week. Can you give me some pointers?” I’m certain that if I had done this glance-over with a smile while I still had my beautiful, black hair, I’d have come off as a moving beauty. But right now… Oh well, forget it. I could only bother Lu Zijian a bit. If he really were to give me some pointers, I’d be able to sweep away the competition and the reward would be in the bag…

Lu Zijian dribbled his ball, and with a smile, he nodded. I’d heard that Senior Lu was very amicable, and indeed, he lived up to his reputation. And naturally, hearts shot out of my eyes again.

That’s when a chilly voice sounded in my ear, “I really admire your confidence.”

I turned to see Zhong Yuan looking at me. The corner of his mouth was raised as he made his snide remark, like he was watching a joke.

I glared at him and then happily ran over to Lu Zijian’s side.

Get lost, pretty boy! Get lost, possessed guy!
—

I looked at the beads of sweat on Lu Zijian’s forehead. Then I said, “Senior Lu, let me treat you to a drink!”

Lu Zijian chuckled and replied, “How could I ask you for that?”

“No, really, don’t treat me like such an outsider, Senior Lu. I have to thank you today,” I said as I headed to the drink shop near the court.

I grabbed three cans of cola, and in the corner, I crazily shook one up. Then I went to the counter to pay.

After walking out the shop, I handed one can to Lu Zijian. He smiled and thanked me.

Then I held out the special can in front of Zhong Yuan. With a bright smile, I said, “About before… I’m sorry.”

Zhong Yuan gave a nod and accepted the cola.

I turned to open my own can of cola, and then I turned back to see how Zhong Yuan looked after being irrigated in cola.

I waited and waited, but before Zhong Yuan did anything, Lu Zijian asked, “Hey, Zhong Yuan, why aren’t you drinking?”

Surprised, I turned to Zhong Yuan. He couldn’t have figured it out, could he…

That’s when Zhong Yuan replied lightly, “I hurt my wrist earlier, so I can’t open it.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Lu Zijian said. He kindly gave his own cola to Zhong Yuan and took the other can…

I wanted to stop him, but it was already too late. With the click of the tab, Lu Zijian’s head and face ended up covered in a brown liquid. A lot of cola splashed on his clothes too…

I looked down as invisible tears rolled down my face. You really couldn’t look down on carbon dioxide.

Then Lu Zijian gave his face a wipe. He complained, “So Zhong Yuan, you play these kinds of childish jokes?”

I stole a glance at Zhong Yuan, who was glaring at me. His lips curled up and there was a glimmer in his eyes. When I saw them, a chill suddenly climbed up my body, as if I’d done a bad deed and was already caught…

It’s just my imagination. Must be. I turned my head to avoid his gaze, and loudly but guiltily declared, “Yeah. Senior Zhong, you’re really something. I stopped playing these kinds of jokes when I was 10 years old. Haha, hahaha…”

Zhong Yuan didn’t say anything and instead just looked at me, somehow smiling and yet not.

His gaze scared me a bit, so I trembled as I pulled out a napkin to help Lu Zijian clean up. As I wiped away the cola, I slyly said, “Senior Lu, you don’t think Senior Zhong would try to push the blame onto me, do you?”

Lu Zijian shook his head. “Don’t say that. Zhong Yuan’s not that kind of person.”

I didn’t dare turn to Zhong Yuan. I just kept my head down and helped Lu Zijian. A bit guiltily, I said, “Senior Lu, why don’t I help you wash your clothes?”

Lu Zijian politely shook his head. “That’s OK.”

“Don’t you think you should be helping to wash my clothes too?” Zhong Yuan’s voice came again.

My eyes swept over his dirt-patterned jersey. I turned back to Lu Zijian and laughed foolishly. “Senior Lu, look. Senior Zhong is such a jokester.”

Lu Zijian was puzzled by my smile. He quickly jumped in to uphold justice, “Zhong Yuan, it’s enough that you tease me. Don’t go teasing the younger students.”

I turned to Zhong Yuan and stuck out my tongue. Seeing that gloomy expression on his face as he couldn’t speak out his grievances, I suddenly felt a lot more carefree.

When I thought back on my history of crossing swords with Zhong Yuan, I realized that this was the only time I’d had a complete victory.