If You Don’t Go To Hell, Who Will? - Chapter 64
Time flies by so quickly; in the blink of an eye, it’s been six years since I married Zhong Yuan. We have a five-year-old son named Zhong Jun, affectionately called Junjun. Junjun mostly inherits my looks, but his eyes are more like Zhong Yuan’s. When he squints, it always makes people feel like he’s up to no good. However, Junjun is still young and innocent, so when he squints, he doesn’t have the mischievous charm that Zhong Yuan has. Instead, it’s more likely to make people laugh and want to playfully poke his face.
Our neighbors are a lively family of three. The husband runs an internet café and also repairs computers. Whenever someone in our neighborhood has computer trouble, they turn to him. Of course, he’s actually a hacker, the kind who leaves behind only whispers and legends online, making people talk about him with great enthusiasm. The wife is a mysterious writer who prefers to stay at home. It’s said that whenever she gazes at her husband with those eerie green eyes, claiming to be seeking inspiration, her husband can’t help but shiver. This mysterious couple has a feisty child. Their child is named Dian Dian, a year younger than Junjun. She often bullies Junjun for no reason, takes apart his toys, spends his New Year’s money, and draws little dogs, ducks, and pandas on his picture books. Surprisingly, Junjun willingly puts up with her actions, and as a mother, I can’t help but find it hard to scold him.
Alright, by now, I’m sure you all know who this lively couple is. They are none other than Passerby A and Little Second. Despite Dian Dian’s mischievousness, she’s incredibly cute. This child really knows how to choose her genes wisely. She takes the best traits from her parents and looks absolutely charming. Whenever she makes a mistake, she’ll stare at you with her big, innocent eyes, making you want to kiss and comfort her, completely forgetting about being angry.
Uh, it seems like I’ve gotten off track…
Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, today is an important day because Zhong Yuan is going to participate in a television talk show. This talk show invites popular celebrities from various fields and has a high viewership. Well, actually, Zhong Yuan can now be considered a relatively popular celebrity, and this all started with an awards ceremony a few days ago.
It was the same television station that, out of sheer boredom, decided to host an awards ceremony for Chinese business leaders. Zhong Yuan was awarded the “Most Promising Business Leader” title, which is probably equivalent to a “Best Newcomer” award. It’s quite amusing since he’s almost thirty and he’s still winning “Best Newcomer” awards. I can’t help but be bewildered by that.
Zhong Yuan never mentioned the awards ceremony until the night he came home with a trophy. As soon as he walked in the door, he handed the trophy to Junjun, saying, “Take it and play with it,” Then he sat on the couch and pulled me into his arms. The trophy was quite heavy, and poor Junjun had to use both hands to hold it.
Later on, Junjun also didn’t know how to play with this thing, so he went to consult with Dian Dian.
Then, the crystal trophy was covered with colorful paper and plush and transformed into a doll. You won’t believe it, but it actually looked quite similar… >_<
I asked Zhong Yuan why he didn’t tell me about this. Zhong Yuan replied, “I was afraid you would worry.”
I playfully exposed him, saying, “Actually, you were just afraid of losing face in front of me if you didn’t win, right?”
Zhong Yuan ruffled my hair and said, “To be honest, winning or losing the award doesn’t matter to me. I was just worried that if you knew and I didn’t win, you would be disappointed.”
Annoying, sweet talk with our son around… >_<
Speaking of this awards ceremony, it’s because of this event that Zhong Yuan transitioned from being known only in a small circle to being recognized by the entire nation. Most people watching the show on TV didn’t delve into the differences between this awards ceremony and other prestigious ones like the Golden Rooster and Hundred Flowers Awards. As a result, the achievements of those in their forties and fifties were overlooked, while Zhong Yuan, as a young and charismatic talent at this awards ceremony, received unexpected and strong attention, especially from some infatuated female fans.
By now, Zhong Yuan’s image had started to shift towards that of a handsome decoration.
Of course, the television station didn’t care about all that; they only knew that Zhong Yuan had become famous, and they no longer had to worry about the show’s ratings…
Zhong Yuan had arranged with the TV station to record the program on Saturday afternoon since it was a day when most people were free and his group of friends and supporters would be larger. Of course, he had no idea that many of the audience members at the studio were also part of his fan club. That’s the charm of a national heartthrob; there’s nothing you can do about it.
After having lunch, our family of three, along with Little Second’s family of three, got into Zhong Yuan’s luxurious business car. Considering that Zhong Yuan was the star today, Passerby A decided to act as his chauffeur. So, the internet café owner and top-notch hacker drove while berating Zhong Yuan, calling him a spendthrift. “This car alone could buy my internet café.”
Zhong Yuan smiled and said, “Don’t think I don’t know how much money is in your wife’s bank account.”
Passerby A protested, “Don’t act like you’re better than me. All my assets combined wouldn’t even add up to your pocket change.”
Zhong Yuan replied, “As long as you have enough money to spend, that’s what matters. The key is that you’re comfortable. If you ever need money, I’m sure you have other sources.”
Passerby A rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t think a few compliments will save you from being exploited. You’re treating me to dinner tonight, and I won’t go to anything less than a five-star restaurant.”
…
When we arrived at the TV station, our friends were already waiting for us. Eldest seemed a bit exhausted lately because there were too many people pursuing her. She was experiencing an onslaught of admirers and had been dealing with it for several years. Sometimes we advised her to get married sooner rather than later, but she always answered with a sigh, “I do want to get married, but I have to do it willingly, right?”
So we asked her what kind of person could make her willing to marry.
Eldest replied, “I like househusbands.”
Uh… well, Eldest was an elite, and most of the men around her were elites too. Finding a househusband wouldn’t be an easy task.
Fourth and Lu Zijian were also there; they planned to get married this year. Lu Zijian had earned his post-doctoral degree from a prestigious overseas university, completing his studies ahead of schedule. It was said he was too eager to return and get married. So he came back to shine and contribute to the modernization of the country… It was also said that his benefits were so generous that they were envy-inducing. Apparently, the country had considered every aspect of his life, maybe even budgeting for his future children’s diapers just to keep him. I heard that people like him were monitored by the state within reasonable limits to prevent them from being poached…
Talent, oh, talent!
Another talented person from our mixed dormitory, Passerby B, was also present. Passerby B originally didn’t want to continue studying after earning his master’s degree, but his advisor did everything possible to keep him. It was said they almost used the “honey trap” tactic, but of course, as long as Shi Yunheng was around, Passerby B didn’t have the chance to enjoy such benefits. Later, he completed his Ph.D., and afterward, he became a regular university teacher. I even went to attend one of his lectures, and it was so crowded I nearly got squeezed to death.
Again, talent!
As for Passerby B and Shi Yunheng’s relationship, it was initially quite unclear, but then Shi Yunheng went on a blind date out of frustration. Passerby B hurriedly went to observe the date, claiming it was just for fun, but he ended up taking Shi Yunheng back home…
Now, these two are already married, and Shi Yunheng’s belly is quite large, seemingly seven months pregnant.
Well, well, enough gossip. The program is about to start.
The studio was buzzing with excitement, and everyone was enthusiastic. When Zhong Yuan walked out, the audience erupted in enthusiastic applause. When he gave a slight nod to the audience and flashed a smile, I could hear quite a few people screaming.
Junjun seemed to dislike the loud noise and frowned while covering his ears. So, Dian Dian quickly went to pull him, reprimanding him in a sweet and childish voice, “Teacher said clapping means welcome. Look, everyone is welcoming us. You’re being impolite like this!”
“I know.” Junjun shifted a bit and then lowered his hand.
I reached over Junjun and touched Dian Dian’s head, smiling and saying, “This mischievous girl.”
Little Second reached out and pinched Junjun’s little cheek, comforting him: “Junjun, don’t mind Dian Dian, she’s a bit eccentric.”
Eldest laughed and said, “You can’t say that about your own child; she’s still so young.”
Little Second became serious: “It’s true, she has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She’s restless all the time. Her kindergarten teacher complains to me every day. Look at Junjun; he’s so calm. If they could balance each other out a bit, it would be great.”
I rolled my eyes and responded, “Forget it, Junjun’s teacher says this child doesn’t like to talk, but he’s not honest either. Many of the troubles those two cause in kindergarten are because of his ideas. His ideas are diverse and unpredictable. You can’t be prepared for them all.”
So these two little rascals suddenly fell silent, looking down with a sense of injustice. I couldn’t bear it, and I looked at Little Second, who seemed just as torn. Oh well, when children act cute, we adults can’t resist.
So everyone started to focus on the interview. To be honest, the interview, with its limited content, didn’t interest me at all. I knew Zhong Yuan too well, so I had no interest in the interview content. I just focused on watching him. After a while, Eldest patted my shoulder and sighed, “Third Blockhead, I admire you. You and Zhong Yuan have been married for six years, and you can still look so infatuated with him.”
Uh…
It seemed that Junjun and Dian Dian weren’t very interested in the program either. Dian Dian somehow produced a piece of yarn and started playing various patterns with it on their hands. I had to admit that Dian Dian was really good at it, quite similar to Fourth in this aspect. So, I pulled on Fourth’s clothes and said, “Fourth, Dian Dian doesn’t look like her dad or her mom; she looks more like you.”
Fourth gave me a cool look and replied, “Of course, I’m her godmother.”
Uh… what kind of logic is that…
While we were chatting, we gradually started whispering in the friends and family section. Fortunately, this section was designated for us, and there weren’t many people, so we didn’t disturb anyone. As for Zhong Yuan, he was completely left out.
Facepalm, Zhong Yuan, I’m sorry…
Passerby A: Sorry, Zhongyuan +1
Passerby B: Sorry, Zhongyuan +2
Lu Zijian: Sorry, Zhongyuan +3
Others: Sorry, Zhong Yuan +10086)
Although we were having a side conversation, the live audience was quite cooperative, and there were occasional bursts of applause and cheers. Later, after the program aired, the audience response was extremely positive, so I was curious and watched it. I was quite surprised.
In this program, Zhong Yuan portrayed himself as an extremely devoted and sentimental person, much like the male lead in a romance novel. Actually, from our perspective and the way we usually interact, his words seemed insincere. It’s not that our relationship was bad; we just almost never deliberately expressed our feelings like this. We both knew how we felt, and that was enough.
Even though I found it fake, it seemed very real and touching to others.
So, I pulled Little Second over from the next seat and pointed at the computer screen, asking her, “Do you think this is fake?”
But Little Second kept knocking on my head while scolding me, “Third Blockhead, are you really dumb or just pretending to be dumb?”
Well, since you want to hit me, if you dare to hit me, I dare to run…
And then I bolted.
…
When we left the TV station, it was already approaching evening, and our group of friends rushed to a restaurant. The five-star hotel had excellent service, but of course, the price was quite astonishing…
Since we were all very close friends, there was no need for formalities, and everyone ate and drank freely. Junjun and Dian Dian, the two children, formed their own little circle and played together happily, ignoring us adults completely.
I suddenly felt a strong sense of frustration.
The middle-aged men from our mixed dormitory, who were in their thirties, started drinking heavily, especially Little Second, who had a poor alcohol tolerance, though she had a decent taste in alcohol, better than mine. At this point, her face was red, and she leaned against Passerby A while looking at him with a silly smile.
Little Second teasingly lifted Passerby A’s chin and said, “Honey, when you look like this, it gives me inspiration.”
Even though he was a bit drunk,Passerby A still shivered.
From this, you can see how sinful Little Second is. Let’s say Amen for Passerby A.
After dinner, we decided to sing some children’s songs. Considering that we had to take care of the kids and KTV places weren’t suitable for our innocent Dian Dian and Junjun, we planned to sing at home. Zhong Yuan had bought a villa in Area C shortly after our wedding, with a dedicated karaoke room inside, and the sound insulation was superb. However, we found that house too spacious, so we never moved in. Now, the property there had appreciated rapidly, causing Passerby A to curse Zhong Yuan as a profiteer whenever that house was mentioned.
Because Junjun and Dian Dian were innocent kids, we adults felt awkward about singing songs that were too wild and raucous, so… a group of middle-aged folks in their thirties spent a whole hour singing children’s songs… >_<
After those two kids went to sleep, the remaining group of wolves finally let loose and started belting out songs.
Zhong Yuan’s singing technique, how should I put it, in the words of Passerby A and the others, was quite painful. His singing wasn’t just slightly off-key; it felt like all the notes were bending in one direction. However, at the same time, his voice was deep and melodious—truly a natural talent. In short, anyone who heard him sing would usually sigh, lamenting the waste of such a good voice…
Considering that this guy was somewhat proud, he rarely sang in front of others. But today, he was acting unusually, as he became a microphone hog, holding the mic and singing love songs to me incessantly, making my heart race, while Eldest and the others joined in the teasing.
We played until very late, so late that I could barely keep my eyes open, and I lay down on the carpet in the karaoke room, unwilling to get up. Then Zhong Yuan gently picked me up and carried me into the bedroom.
Zhong Yuan had the scent of alcohol on him, and I generally didn’t like the smell of alcohol, but on him, I didn’t find it unpleasant at all.
He placed me on the bed, kissed my forehead, and softly whispered in my ear, “Blockhead, do you want to take a bath?”
“Mmm, tired.” I shifted my body and found a comfortable position to lie down.
So, Zhong Yuan helped me take off my clothes and shoes, then laid down beside me, pulling me into his arms.
By now, I was so tired that my thoughts were getting hazy, and I allowed him to fiddle with me as he pleased.
Zhong Yuan nuzzled my neck with his chin and murmured softly, “Blockhead, everything I said today is all true.”
“…”
“I’ve wanted to say it for a long time.”
“…”
“Blockhead, I love you.”
“…”
In my half-asleep state, I felt something soft and gentle covering my eyelids, as light and comfortable as feathers. I turned to the side and met the embrace of the Sandman.
