Chapter 60: Not Afraid of Fools, Just Afraid of a Flock of Fools

Everyone was locked in their respective rooms, still bound by the Immortal Binding Ropes.

Jiang Niannian sat on a chair, looking around.

The room’s decor was simple yet luxurious.

It was circular, with green vines climbing up the walls.

The chairs and floor were covered with valuable animal hides, soft as the most expensive carpets.

It seemed Ye Linyuan had a bit of taste.

However, what Jiang Niannian didn’t know was that while she and Tang Murou had their own rooms, the other cultivators were locked in a single space.

Rather than a room, it resembled more of a prison.

Between the iron bars hung a spiderweb that must have been there for decades.

The room was narrow and constantly shrouded in dim light.

Inside, there was little more than a bed and an old wooden cabinet.

As she looked around, she found herself moving towards a wall and stomped her foot on vein.

“You foolish human, how dare you step on Lord grass grass! Today you step on my head, tomorrow I’ll be growing on your grave!”

Jiang Niannian jumped at the sudden angry child’s voice.

She looked down at the large vine and, after a moment of silence, called out, “Grass Grass, if I call you, will you answer?”

“Damn! Human, why can you hear Lord Grass Grass speaking?!”

Jiang Niannian smiled at it.

“Why not?”

“You woman, you’re strange indeed.”

As it spoke, a green boy emerged from the vines, cautiously examining her.

Jiang Niannian also studied him closely.

“You’re staring at me like that because you’re captivated by my beauty, aren’t you? Those lustful eyes of yours are making me uncomfortable. But for some reason, I feel a strange familiarity from you—almost like you remind me of my mother.”

Jiang Niannian: “…” This level of narcissism is definitely in the same league as Ye Linyuan.

The green boy circled her three times, then stood in front of her with hands on his hips.

Jiang Niannian asked, “May I ask what this green little boy’s name is?”

“You’re the little boy! Your whole family are little boys!” the green boy snapped, mocking her.

Then he added, “In the distant hills of Mount Yuanqiu, there grows the Immortal Tree. Eating its fruit grants long life; drinking from the Red Spring grants eternal youth. I, Grass Grass, am a fallen branch from that Immortal Tree, cast down into the demon realm. Now, are you impressed? I even gave myself a magnificent name—Teng Jiao!”

Jiang Niannian snorted with laughter.

Go ahead, how much did Tengjiao Instant Noodles pay you? Our Old Pickled Cabbage, no, our Fresh Shrimp Fishcake Noodles will pay ten times more!

(T/N: The little boy name actually means proud vine (Teng=Vine Jiao=proud). So Niannian is actually making fun of his name because Tengjiao is actually an instant noodle brand that is specialize in peppercorn (Tengjiao) flavor instant noodles. Both the boy name and peppercorn (Tengjiao) are homonyms.)

Teng Jiao glared at her.

“Woman! Are you listening?!”

“Yes, yes, little green friend.”

Teng Jiao: “…”

“Do you want to form a contract with me?”

Jiang Niannian was puzzled.

“Form a contract?”

Teng Jiao squinted, perched himself on a chair, and crossed his legs, casually picking at his feet.

With an air of wisdom, he said, “That’s right. That dog, Ye Linyuan, has trapped Lord Grass Grass here for many years using demon spells, draining my power to maintain his immortality.”

“I’m sick of this life! Only by forming a contract with someone can I escape. Since you seem special, I’ll give you the opportunity to contract with me, but you’ll need to pass my tests first… You do want to form a contract, right?”

Jiang Niannian, deadpan, said, “No, I don’t.”

“Woman, this is just a strategy of playing hard to get!”

“I’m not…”

“Stop talking.”

Teng Jiao silenced her with a finger on her lips and said, “I know you want to. No mortal could resist the temptation of forming a contract with a godlike tree!”

Jiang Niannian’s mouth twitched.

If I recall correctly, didn’t that hand just scratch at his feet?

Teng Jiao stood up and huffed, “Foolish mortal! You must either be stronger than me or smarter than me, or why would I submit to you? Let the tests begin. I am well-versed in the heavens and the earth, skilled in literature and combat, a master of my craft.”

“First, a test of knowledge. You set the question, and if you can stump Lord Grass Grass, the first test will be considered passed.”

Jiang Niannian thought for a moment, then walked toward the desk.

“I need to write this down, but my hands are tied, so I can’t.”

“That’s easy. The ropes binding you are made from my vines.”

Teng Jiao snapped his fingers, and the vines instantly fell away.

Jiang Niannian rubbed her sore wrists, picked up a pen, and began to write.

In no time, she handed the paper to Teng Jiao.

“If you can recognize every word on this, I’ll admit defeat.”

The paper read:

吃屎齉龘齾爩粗灵灪龖源纞虋靐鲜爨癵驫麣讟钃鸜麷鞻韽顟顠饙騳騱饐籱郁靊飝虪齺魕爧蠿馕谳镵。

(T/N:the translation for the text above is Eat feces, nasal sounds due to a blocked nose, the motion of a dragon, gnawing, intense flames, coarse spirit, flowing water from the source, twining vines, rare complexities, the sound of thunder, fresh cooking over fire, weary sickness, horses running together, strange appearances, accusations, ringing metal bells, rare birds, refined wheat, leather goods, the sound of a gong, pale tiredness, spoiled food, long baskets, melancholy, swift winds, flying through the sky, biting and chewing, haunting ghosts, raging fire, obscure creatures, flatbread, judgment in a trial, and tools for carving metal.… huhu..this is very hard to translate because many of these characters are rare or even obsolete in modern Chinese and are often used for humor, decoration, or to convey something nonsensical. This string seems intended to be playful, presenting an impossible or absurd challenge of recognition….)

Teng Jiao stared at the paper, silent.

Jiang Niannian continued, “What’s wrong, little green friend? Can’t you say anything?”

Still silent.

Jiang Niannian taunted, “Are you, the great immortal tree, really only good for eating poop? No way, right?”

Teng Jiao shot her a glance and said, “Are you sure these are real words and not something you made up?”

“Of course! Take this one, for instance: (nàng), which means a blocked nose.”

Teng Jiao crumpled the paper. “… Ahem, lucky guess. The next test is of martial skill.”

With that, he drew the green jade sword from Jiang Niannian’s waist and expertly demonstrated the famous Xuanxu Sword Technique from the cultivation world. His movements were precise, flowing, and perfectly executed.

He finished the routine and tossed the sword to Jiang Niannian.

“Now it’s your turn. If you can impress me with your skills, you’ll pass the test.”

“Are you sure?”

Jiang Niannian asked, looking down at him.

“Lord Grass Grass may be ancient, but I’m not one to go back on my word!”

“Alright, then.”

Teng Jiao gave her a disdainful look, but his eyes soon widened in horror.

Jiang Niannian, holding the long green jade sword, slowly began to slide the blade into her mouth, inch by inch (this is a highly dangerous act—please do not attempt this at home).

Then, just as casually, she pulled the sword back out of her throat.

Ancestral craftmanship—can’t let it die!

Now, tell me, do you accept or not?

When she turned back, she met Teng Jiao’s terrified gaze.

His legs were shaking, and his voice trembled.

“Boss, do… do you eat children?”

“I do. Kids like you, I usually eat one in a single bite.”

“Waaah! Don’t eat Grass! Grass not tasty! I’ll get stuck in your teeth and be hard to digest!”

Jiang Niannian patted his head and smiled.

“I was just kidding.”

Teng Jiao wiped away his tears, mumbling, “Alright… you’ve passed the test. Now turn around; I’m going to perform the contract ritual.”

He then growled, “And no peeking!”

Jiang Niannian turned around but secretly used her spiritual consciousness to watch.

She saw the little green boy take off his pants, muttering seriously as he… peed on her.

Jiang Niannian: F*ck?!