Chapter 335

The writer’s hand trembled towards the end, rendering the last few lines nearly illegible, ink bleeding into blurry smudges.

Ning Ning walked forward and soon came across a second slip of paper.

—

[Second Return

After stumbling through my earlier days, we reached the time when Master led us to Tianhe.

I faked illness to avoid going.

I shouldn’t have died this time.

Yet here I am again—how could I still die?

But then a poisoned arrow shot through my window, piercing straight into my heart.

The demon cultivators needed a scapegoat to blame Pei Ji, and since I was alone in Xuanxu, I became their target.

Tsk.]

—

Then there were more and more slips of paper.

Thin sheets hung from the dangling white string, spaced increasingly closer together, like butterflies clustered in the air.

—

[Third Return.

The manual forbids telling anyone about time rewinding.

I couldn’t inform Master; I could only hint at the demon cultivators’ schemes, cautiously implying my suspicions.

He took my advice, deciding to delay our journey to the desert and consult with other sects first.

So once again, I was killed by the demon cultivators.

Their reason? ‘Disrupting their plans.'”

—

[Fourth Return.

I think I’m beginning to understand.

This death trap is my destiny, the consequence of some evil deed I did long ago. No matter how I try to escape, on the night of the 14th, I’ll die.

Heaven will finds a way to end me, come what may.

How could I ever accept this? My every effort against it, outmatched by a simple decree of ‘fate’?

Fine then—I’ll keep fighting it till the end.

…

This time, I died while practicing swordsmanship, lost in demonic possession.

Heavens, old dog, go die!!!]

—

What followed was a stream of expletives and vulgar curses smeared in frustration.

The handwriting grew increasingly erratic, and the causes of death became as bizarre as they were varied.

—

[Forty-fourth Return.

I’ve died forty-four times now.

I’m on the brink of madness.

Each cycle, each rewind, ends in failure. This so-called ‘fate’—what the hell is it supposed to mean?

Every night, I dream of the moments of my past deaths, waking drenched in cold sweat.

There’s no one I can talk to about this fear; the past is darkness, and the future, an endless void.

As for Pei Ji, I feel nothing anymore.

Why did I ever trouble myself with him? Those petty, childish tricks now feel absurd in hindsight.

In his eyes, I must’ve looked so pathetic.

Every day, stirring up trouble, alienating everyone, constantly exposed and mocked, I was left with nothing I sought.

…Pathetic, indeed.

If righteousness won’t save me, maybe it’s time I tried the other path.

This endless cycle of death has worn me down. If I fail again this time, maybe it’s best to just give up.

I framed Pei Ji, left evidence on purpose, and, sure enough, the others found it.

Conflict among disciples is a grave offense.

I made a scene at the enforcement hall, stoking tension step by step until I resolutely severed my ties with the sect.

Master was heartbroken.

I’m sorry.

With my heart corrupted, I left the sect for good.

As an excuse, it made sense: a disciple with an evil heart and betrayal in her blood.

After entering the demonic path, I joined the demon realm.

The demon realm’s lord was named Huo Qiao, just a few years older than me.

He was a strange one. His innocent, almost childlike face seemed completely out of place, lacking the malice or arrogance typical of demon royalty.

Huo Qiao had lived his whole life confined to the demon realm.

Due to his lineage, he became lord at a young age. He knew little of the great war; all he’d ever seen was endless sand and subjects of limited power.

With endearing seriousness, he confided that he wanted to take his people beyond the demon realm, to see the world.

I thought at the time, ‘How naive.’

Every time, I died before he did, but the rewind process took time to gather surrounding spiritual energy, creating a short delay.

So, as my soul drifted above, most times I’d catch sight of his body.

The young demon lord never once survived.

He was just as doomed as I was.

But of course, I never told him that.

All I could do was use paper and ink to sketch the sights of the world for him. Huo Qiao would listen earnestly, propping his cheek in his hand, sometimes smiling.

He looked nice when he smiled.

Then came the 14th.

Like every other time, the demon clan set up a maze formation as a trap, waiting for Pei Ji to fall into it.

Before the battle, Huo Qiao took me to a dune with a clear view under a mysteriously starlit sky.

I never knew, but on that night, the wind settled, and the moon shone brighter than ever.

“Look, the moon on the 14th.”

Sitting atop the dune, Huo Qiao said, “Every time I see it, I think, tomorrow the moon will be full—just one more day, and we’ll see it in its complete beauty.”

The moon was so beautiful, but for some reason, my throat tightened, my eyes stinging.

“It’s wonderful.”

Huo Qiao tilted his head, paused, then suddenly turned to look at me.

I’ll never forget it—he smiled, shy but warm, and told me, “There’s still tomorrow to hope for.”

Tomorrow’s hope.

I must’ve looked like a fool then, suddenly tearing up for no reason.

Huo Qiao awkwardly tried to console me, accidentally brushing my face, his ears reddening.

But the demon realm still failed.

Master tried to kill me, wielding his sword against my corrupted soul. As the sword light struck, someone shielded me.

Huo Qiao told me to run.

He said there was a hidden tunnel beneath the sand leading to the far end of the desert.

On the forty-fourth return, fate diverged.

Huo Qiao died before me.

I survived.

…

…

I should be happy.

But why… are there tears?”

—

[Forty-fifth Return.

I opened my eyes again in the bedroom of Xuanxu Sect.

If the old me knew I’d resort to suicide, she’d be furious.

I’ve died and revived so many times that death feels like a routine.

The fierce desire to live, the jealous mix of love and hate—time has worn them all away, leaving nothing behind. Maybe it’s not life I seek, but just the will to defy fate.

But now… now it’s different.

Heaven, life, death—they don’t matter.

I want to save him.

Huo Qiao and I will both die, but I die before him.

I have to live… to help him at the end.

But how can I survive?]

—

The notes became more erratic from this point, some even missing the return count.

—

[Tried to stop the demon realm from breaking the formation. Failed.

[Tried to assassinate Pei Ji. Failed.]

[Tried to knock out Huo Qiao. Failed.]

…

[I want to die; it’s too painful. Living feels like torture. I’m always plagued by nightmares after I sleep.

Might as well give up.

But I still haven’t saved him.]

—

[I saw Huo Qiao from a distance.

I walked past him on purpose and didn’t say a word.

He didn’t recognize me.

…After all, in this life, we’re strangers who never met.

Guess I can never win his heart again.

My current self is gloomy, sensitive, and distrustful, becoming more and more unpleasant.

I can’t even like myself.]