Dark Blue Frost - Chapter 20
Chapter 20: Dream of Spring Affection
Hearing Qingxuan bring up that name—a name she had assumed was long forgotten—Qianse’s face, already wearing a look of slight astonishment, quickly darkened into a overcast gloom. Even her usually proud and overbearing eyes turned dark and deep, her tightly furrowed brows bearing the stillness that comes before a storm.
“Qingxuan, you ought to know—” She put down the calligraphic brush in her hand and slowly drew out her final words. With a touch of anger, she stated the absolute limit of her patience, word by word: “Whoever mentions that name in front of me must pack up and get off Mount Yan immediately!”
Qingxuan knew full well that he shouldn’t rashly touch the dark place in his master’s heart that she was unwilling to speak of. Yet, at this very moment, seeing her angry face, an indescribable feeling suddenly sprouted in his chest. Mixed with a touch of bitterness and a sting of jealousy, his resentment toward the man named Fengjin grew even stronger.
“Qingxuan knows he shouldn’t have brought it up!” Clenching his teeth, he suddenly fell to his knees before Qianse with a thud. Knowing that he would hardly escape punishment today, he simply threw caution to the wind. Raising his head stubborly to stare at Qianse, he unyieldingly let out everything buried deep in his heart: “However, just because Master forbids others from mentioning that name does not mean Master herself has forgotten it. Master once warned Qingxuan that the inner demons entangling one’s heart must be faced head-on, not evaded. But isn’t Master evading it right now?”
She had not expected Qingxuan to speak with such righteous boldness, and for a moment, Qianse was at a loss for how to refute him.
Indeed, just as Qingxuan said, she had been evading it all along. Hiding away on Mount Yan all these years and never returning to Yuxu Palace—wasn’t what she truly feared precisely facing him again? She forbade others from bringing up his name, yet that name had long been deeply engraved into her memory alongside those past years, impossible to erase and constantly remembered. Weren’t her words and actions just like the ridiculous adage of ‘the governor being allowed to set fires while the commoners are forbidden even to light lamps’?
Truth be told, if she were to analyze it carefully, she didn’t know what she was afraid of either. After all, she believed she had done nothing to wrong him; even if she were to face him again, she could hold her head up high without fear. It was just that she knew with absolute clarity in her heart that Fengjin was indeed an inner demon she had been unable to cross for a very long time…
Despite his heart fluttering nervously and churning upside down, Qingxuan braved it through, kneeling upright right there. Though his eyes were fixed on Qianse, his vision was dazzled into a complete blank by the flickering candlelight, making him unable to see her expression clearly at all.
After a long, long silence, Qianse finally let out an indistinct sigh and reached out to support his arm. “Forget it!” She gave a bitter smile, feeling a soft lump blocking her chest like tangled, messy strands of silk. A complex, incomprehensible daze surfaced in her eyes.
Because of Qianse’s words and actions, Qingxuan’s heart instantly surged with excitement!
He had thought he would suffer some form of punishment—at the very least, being made to recite or copy scriptures. Yet, his master had not flown into a rage. Recalling how she had admitted in front of Hua Wuyan earlier that he was her “lifeline,” Qingxuan suddenly felt an indescribable sense of pride, as if he had unexpectedly acquired something precious. As a result, when he leaped up, he failed to realize that his knees were stiff and painfully numb; ignoring his command, his entire body tilted forward involuntarily, leaving him with no choice but to watch himself crash right into Qianse!
Fortunately, Qianse stood with a steady posture and caught him in a full embrace just in time, preventing the two of them from tumbling into a heap.
In that instant, Qingxuan’s face pressed against Qianse’s front. All at once, a subtle, faint fragrance invaded his senses through his breath, seeping straight into his heart and lingering endlessly among his inner organs. At that moment, as if he were stealing a drink with his wine-obsessed senior uncle for the first time, his face flushed slightly red. His mind grew intoxicated and groggy within that faint scent, and even his soul seemed mysteriously tipsy.
Qianse helped him sit down on a nearby chair, assuming his blushed face was merely out of embarrassment, and paid it no mind. “What did your martial uncles say to you again?” Turning around, she calmly picked up her brush to continue copying scriptures. Only after a good while did she ask softly, seemingly convinced that Qingxuan’s unusual behavior today was incited by those troublemakers who feared the world wasn’t chaotic enough.
“Actually, they didn’t say anything important.” Qingxuan kept his head down, his face slightly warm, not yet completely awakened from that sudden intoxication. He merely spoke with an instinctive impulse to intercede, pleading for the banished Konglan and Mufei: “It’s just that, like Qingxuan, they don’t want to see Master feeling down and unhappy all the time.”
Listening to such words and knowing Qingxuan’s simple nature, which naturally carried a bit of protective pleading, Qianse couldn’t help but chuckle softly. She didn’t expose the malicious intentions behind her martial brothers’ actions, but merely cast a slanting glance at him: “When have you ever seen your master unhappy?”
“Is that not so?” Only then did Qingxuan raise his head, his warm face gradually cooling down. As if arguing—and still holding a subtle dissatisfaction toward Fengjin in his heart, unwilling to be ignored—he said: “Every time Master is unhappy, even when speaking to Qingxuan, you hardly raise your head, nor do you look at me properly.”
The tone of complaint in his words was far too obvious. Only now did Qianse notice that her disciple’s speech seemed to reflect something amiss in his mind. Yet looking closely, he held his head high and chest out, appearing completely normal. Thus, she brushed it off with a casual smile: “Your master is copying scriptures; how can I divide my mind to do two things at once?”
Seeing Qianse use copying scriptures as an excuse, Qingxuan grew even more dissatisfied. Especially during the previous period when he shared a room with his master every day, even when she was copying scriptures, she would frequently glance at him. But today, she focused entirely on the silk paper without giving him a single glance, which was truly suspicious.
“Master, don’t use copying scriptures as a pretext. He was heartless and faithless—does Master truly not hate him?” He patted his knees, which were still throbbing with slight pain, stood up from the chair, and stood off to the side. He glared at the crimson handwriting on the scriptures with some dissatisfaction, as if in his eyes, those neat characters transformed into Fengjin’s likeness.
At that moment, a flicker of trance seemed to flash through Qianse’s eyes, like a steel needle piercing her heart with a slight pang of pain. Even in her chest, something seemed to gather slowly, eventually coalescing into an indescribable vulnerability. “How could your master have never hated him?” she replied faintly. Distracted for a moment, she couldn’t help but recall some past events, feeling a quiet ache in her heart. Later, for some reason, her thoughts turned back to Qingxuan’s actions just now when his dissatisfaction overflowed. Although he was her disciple, he deserved respect, so she turned around to look at him intently: “But now, whether I hate him or not seems no longer important. He was merely a ordeal I was destined to undergo. As for matters of love between men and women—Qingxuan, you are still young; there are things you will not understand. In the future, when you meet the woman who is your destined love-trial, you will naturally understand.”
These words were originally meant to remind him not to dwell on the ill-intentioned instigations of Konglan, Mufei, and the others, but when heard by Qingxuan, they took on an ambiguous nuance. Recalling the faint fragrance he smelled when he crashed against his master earlier, his face reddened once again. He couldn’t help but swallow his saliva, momentarily unsure of what to say. Yet, a subtle sweet flavor overflowed in his heart. Leaning closer, he struck up a conversation out of nowhere: “Just whose debt is Master owing that you must copy scriptures without sleep or rest to atone for your sins?”
“Doesn’t your master still owe you a life?” Seeing him sidle over, Qianse shook her head, reflecting that he was ultimately just a child whose emotions came and went quickly, and that she had been overly sensitive earlier. She replied: “You should know, ten lives ago, you ultimately died under my sword. Although I later asked the Taiyi Savior Heavenly Venerate to alter your fate and break the calamity, the sin of taking a life still remains. If I do not copy scriptures to repent, even if I am an immortal, I will still be struck back to my original form if I fail to pass the Heavenly Tribulation of Lightning during ascension.”
These words were by no means false.
From Qingxuan’s own perspective, ten lives ago, he had undoubtedly suffered from a obsession of love, bringing trouble upon Qianse. Even though he died under her sword at that time, he had brought it upon himself. However, it was also a fact that Qianse had broken the slaughter taboo back then, a sin that could not be wiped out simply because the person involved did not hold a grudge or because of favors granted in a later life.
Qingxuan froze, coming back to his senses only after a long while. The mood of complaint vanished without a trace, replaced mostly by self-blame and guilt surging from deep within. Wanting to say something yet not knowing where to begin, he could only move closer to the desk awkwardly: “Master, Qingxuan will grind the ink for you.” Just as he intended to grind the ink, he suddenly realized that the inkstone Qianse was using for copying scriptures today was not her usual one. Staring at the crimson, blood-like rouge ink, he couldn’t lift his head for a long time, his face full of dejection.
Noticing his low spirits, Qianse considered that this boy constantly felt deeply guilty, which was not a good thing for their master-disciple relationship. She shifted the topic to inquire about his studies: “How has your practice of the sword-riding technique been these past few days?”
Just as he was about to answer that there were no major issues, before the words could leave his mouth, Qingxuan suddenly realized that having his master personally teach his lessons was a great opportunity to draw closer to her again. He quickly changed his tune: “There are still a few areas I don’t quite understand.” Realizing that such a small scheme was somewhat rebellious, he blinked his eyes to find a grandiose justification for his behavior, thereby relieving himself of any heavy guilt: he simply didn’t want his master to constantly think of Fengjin.
Hearing that he had doubts about his studies, Qianse paused her copying motion, her tone involuntarily turning a bit strict: “Since you didn’t understand, why did you hide it instead of explaining sooner?” Pausing, she put down the calligraphic brush thoughtfully, feeling that since she had taken him as her disciple, she ought to dedicate more effort to teaching him rather than acting so willfully. Although Qingxuan was naturally intelligent, he mostly relied on his own exploration—copying much, comprehending little, with meager results. She quietly made up her mind: “Wake up earlier tomorrow. If there’s anything you don’t understand, just speak up, and your master will teach you personally.”
Having undoubtedly gained the promised outcome he anticipated and seeing his little scheme succeed, Qingxuan instantly brightened up. “Master, Qingxuan will study hard to cultivate immortality and will never bring shame upon you!” He responded with a grin, as if all the previous gloom and depression were swept away in an instant, leaving his heart filled with an extraordinary joy.
“Mm.” Seeing him become so happy all at once, Qianse felt even more strongly that his disposition was still that of a child. However, though a child’s happiness is simple, it easily infects others. Without even realizing it herself, a faint smile masked her face as she responded.
Seeing Qianse smile faintly, Qingxuan felt an even sweeter sensation in his heart. As if eager to make a promise, he blurted out: “Master, once Qingxuan attains an immortal body, I will stay here on Mount Yan to accompany you and grind ink for you for the rest of my life!”
As if stung by the words “rest of my life,” the smile on Qianse’s face faded slightly. She unobtrusively lowered her eyes, her gaze veiled by the shadows of her eyelashes—extraordinarily deep and dark, hiding endless turbulent waves: “Qingxuan, do not promise a lifetime so easily. You have your own destiny; when the time comes, you will leave as well.”
Just like him—hadn’t he also once promised a lifetime? Yet in the blink of an eye, those promises turned to ash and smoke. In the end, the only one who took it seriously was her alone.
A lifetime is too long. Even if promised, who could truly fulfill it?
“No, Qingxuan will not leave!” On his side, Qingxuan had no idea of her thoughts. He merely looked up at her with a solemn expression, trying to carve out the solemnity of an unshakeable promise with every word: “Qingxuan will not leave Master. I will definitely stay with Master for the rest of my life!”
Dazing off slightly, Qianse gave a quiet response, as if seeing the person he used to be.
Back then, Fengjin was just as serious, speaking every word with solemnity. Seeing her brow furrow without answering, he had also pressed to ask if she didn’t believe him. At that time, a young girl’s heart experiencing love for the first time—even if sweet inside—would either feign pride or run away in embarrassment. How could it compare to today’s mixed emotions and heart like still water?
Yet, if her heart were truly like still water, why did hearing those words, “the rest of my life,” still bring a subtle ache to her heart?
Forget it, forget it—it’s an inner demon!
Telling herself this repeatedly, Qianse did not take Qingxuan’s words to heart.
…
As Qianse slowly copied out the scripture scrolls, Qingxuan stayed by her side, dissolving the rouge into water and gently mixing it evenly with a small bamboo stick. Master and disciple occasionally exchanged questions and answers; the atmosphere was exceedingly warm and harmonious.
Before long, Qingxuan gradually couldn’t hold out any longer, his eyelids constantly fighting to close. Qianse furrowed her brows slightly, knowing he had carried Rourou all the way into Dongji and up Mount Yan during the day, which was quite exhausting. To have endured until now was already no easy feat. She pondered whether her previous requirement to “wake up early” was somewhat inappropriate.
“Qingxuan, go back to your room to sleep.” She gently patted his head, only to see him nod drowsily. Out of habit, he walked straight over to her bed, climbed up, laid down, and fell asleep.
This boy must have acted out of habit and gotten confused!
She couldn’t help but chuckle softly, but didn’t call out to him again, fearing it would disturb his sleep. Previously, sharing a room with him was due to her worry over his simplicity, fearing that the malevolent Hua Wuyan might find an opening anywhere. Now, having him still sleep in her room indeed seemed somewhat improper.
Ah well, if she truly got tired, meditating for a bit while seated would suffice. Since he was used to sleeping in her room, she would just let him be.
Shaking her head, Qianse continued copying the scriptures. But on the bed, the fast-asleep Qingxuan began to have an incredible dream!
In a daze, many things seemed to float hazily before his eyes. Those objects came in various shapes and brilliant colors, spinning and flying about in all directions before quickly drifting away and disappearing without a trace in the howling wind, leaving behind only layers of thin gauze. From behind the gauze, faint sounds echoed—sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes near, sometimes far.
Lifting the thin gauze, he walked forward step by step, only to see behind it two figures entwined like snakes—a scene of sensual beauty and intimacy that made one blush. Though he knew he shouldn’t peek, he couldn’t suppress his curiosity. Veiled by the thin gauze, he peered carefully and realized that the man was Young Master Yunchuan, while the woman was a famous widowed noblewoman of the royal family who frequently came to spend spring nights with him, tipping quite generously. Compared to the flippancy and vulgarity of other guests, this woman treated the Young Master with respect; rumor had it she even intended to redeem his freedom at one point, though it was unknown why it ultimately came to nothing.
It wasn’t that he had never witnessed such scenes before. As an errand boy in the past, he had even been forced to stand by and continuously pour wine while guests made merry with the Young Master. Yet, for some reason, seeing such a scene now made his throat feel exceptionally dry. His blood churned unnaturally like a rising tide, rapidly spreading to all four limbs and every bone in his body. That heat, like a raging fire, gathered in his lower abdomen and transformed into a kind of thirst, making him want to step closer to see more clearly.
When he finally drew close, however, the entwined man and woman suddenly changed appearances!
The woman had surprisingly turned into his master, while the man was none other than himself!
Entwined together, gasping and moaning, even the air burned with a scorching heat. He only felt that faint, haunting fragrance lingering around his nose, teasing him continuously. In a short moment, his entire soul seemed to be firmly captured, unable to break free. Before he knew it, he was no longer an onlooker, but genuinely plunged inside—an authentic sensation of touch, intertwining, tumbling, thrusting, wishing he could give everything…
With a sudden shiver, Qingxuan snapped awake from the dream. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw Rourou standing by the bed, looking at him with a silly grin. Momentarily confused, he had not yet snapped out of the dreamland.
“Giggle… lazy…” Rourou reached out to tug away the quilt wrapped around him, only to inadvertently discover something. Dripping drool, the child giggled uncontrollably while shouting unclearly: “Giggle… wet the bed… giggle…”
At this moment, Qingxuan realized that not only was there a wet patch on the bed, but strange, sticky, slippery substance with a peculiar smell was also smeared on his trousers.
Recalling everything from the dream once more, he instantly understood what had happened, his face flushing crimson in a flash…
